Chemistry is such a magical word isn’t it?
It conjures up images of a mysterious potion that makes us fall hopelessly in romantic love.
These days most of us know that first dates don’t always (never!) go to plan. Awkward silences, cringy jokes and jilted conversations are the norm. That’s what happens when you meet a stranger outside the tube and proceed to vet them for the next hour…because no matter how you say you’re not doing that we all know that’s exactly what you’re doing!
That doesn’t mean, though, that we’ve let go of the romantic notion of first dates. Those dreamy ones where it’s love at first sight, where you know that very moment this is going to be the person you marry as they sweep you off your feet. You know, the kind of dates you hear about but never seem to happen to you.
We put too much emphasis on chemistry
Not just chemistry, instantaneous chemistry. We want it to hit us like a ton of bricks and take our breath away. We want to feel floored that we have found them, the elusive ‘one’. About bloody time to. We want to feel so connected and entwined with someone that we feel like we’ve known them all our life. We want to feel a spark, fireworks, zing, whatever you want to call it; you want to feel it.
In a nutshell we want to feel all of the above over a glass on pinot at the local pub with a stranger we met five minutes ago.
Call me an old cynic but isn’t that rather a big ask?
Yes it happens in the movies. Yes it happens to friends of friends (though coincidentally know one you know) and yes it would be fantastic if that happened. But it doesn’t happen for most of us. I bet you’re thinking I’m a real ball of laughs right now aren’t you?
I got the inspiration for this post from a client I’m working with. She told me she wasn’t going to see a guy again who had her in stitches laughing throughout their date. This was the same guy who organised an incredible date for her and who she told me was really cute and smart. As she told me she wasn’t going to see him again because she didn’t feel any romantic chemistry my jaw hit the floor. She had just been raving about him for 10 mins!
Don’t wait for a magic spark to hit you in the face
Those sparks often start out as teeny tiny sizzles that grow. Don’t write off someone you. Give it a chance, take the opportunity, explore and give chemistry a chance to develop. After all, the best things in life are worth taking time for.
Pstttttt! This is a copy of my article on the Huffington Post which can be found here: Chemistry on a First Date? You’ll be Lucky.