The other week I had the pleasure of sitting down with the very fabulous Rebecca Perkins.
I knew from her pictures I would love her, and indeed she’s a woman after my own heart! She is genuine, grounded, caring and knows her stuff. Which is why her book ‘Best Knickers Always – 50 lessons for Midlife’ has been such a success. Crammed with words of wisdom that are perfect for a woman in midlife, but are also relevant for all women out there – I enjoyed it and i’m still a few years off!
After a quick gossip and some tea we got down to business and I want to share with you today my interview with Rebecca.
Rebecca, what inspired you to write ‘Best Knickers Always: 50 lessons for midlife?’
I’m an ordinary woman. I’m a daughter, a sister, a mother and I’ve been a wife. I’m not perfect. I’ve been through a painful divorce, I’ve suffered years of depression and come through it all stronger and more at ease with who I am. My daughter suffered with anorexia and we’ve dealt with other serious illness within the family and we’ve survived…in fact we’re thriving. I am the woman I am today because of my life experiences and I wouldn’t change a thing.
This is my inspiration for writing Best Knickers Always: 50 lessons for midlife. I wanted to share what I’d learned along my journey in the hope that it would inspire other women to feel they weren’t alone on their journeys through midlife. I’d also been nagged by friends who’d read my blog to do something! In the words of one dear friend ‘Do not deny women your wisdom.’
I LOVE the title of your book – where did the title of your book come from?
My story began one miserable day nursing a broken heart, years of tears and grief came flooding out of me. Tears and grief that had been buried for years. A text came in from a girlfriend asking how I was. I responded that I was devastated and couldn’t imagine ever feeling happy again. She texted back with the words, All I can say is it gets better. Go gently, be kind to yourself, and best knickers always.
My dear sweet friend knew exactly what I needed to hear at that precise moment. She knew because she’d been there too. The truth was I was no longer looking after myself, I’d stopped being kind to myself and my self esteem was rock bottom. I understood exactly what she meant by her text. These best knickers were for no one but myself and it was time to start nurturing myself and getting back on my own two feet.
What were the ‘turning points’ in your life that led to where you are today?
Standing in my kitchen saying those 4 words – I want a divorce. Although traumatic and a little like Pandora’s box once opened could not be closed again, it was the start of this journey. I knew that I couldn’t be the woman I knew I was if I remained in an unhappy marriage. I realise now what a brave and courageous decision that was.
Pressing ‘Publish’ on my first book online was a major turning point. I was putting myself out there in a very big way. Women would either love or hate what I wrote….and all shades of grey in between. I was a testament to how far I’d come and I’m very proud of that.
Saying ‘I love you’ to my partner for the very first time. Wow, that took some courage too. I’d been hurt before and I didn’t want to go there again. At our most vulnerable we are at our most courageous I’ve come to learn and understand.
What are your biggest achievements?
Without a doubt my 3 wonderful children are my greatest achievements, they are the wind beneath my wings. They give me courage daily. It is their unconditional love that has enabled me to stand out on the edge and share my story with other women. I love them beyond words. I’m also hugely proud to call myself a published author….that’s pretty cool especially as my English teacher told me age 13 that I had no imagination!
What’s your 1 top piece of advice for women in midlife searching for love?
Love starts within. Until we truly love and esteem ourselves there is no point in searching for love outside. I fell in love with a man after my divorce, I was clingy, needy and desperate to be loved. I was doomed to fail. How could I expect this man to patch me together again and show me the love that I failed to show myself. Start by loving yourself and then you’ll find that you begin to allow love into your life and the search will be over.
How do you help women through your 1:1 coaching?
One of the simplest and hardest questions I ask in coaching is ‘What do you want?’ Midlife is a time of transition, physically and emotionally. Often women get to this time and look in the mirror and don’t recognise the woman staring back at them. I am passionate about working with women 1:1, it’s a privilege to be on the journey with them as they start to rediscover the woman they were and the woman they want to be as they move into the second half of their lives. We look at who they are, what they want, what lights their fire. We uncover passions, what they’ll no longer tolerate in life and what motivates them. It’s really about deciding to live the second half of life on purpose.
What’s in the pipeline for Rebecca Perkins?
Oh there’s another couple of books in the pipeline as well as workshops and ecourses as well as opening up some more slots for 1:1 coaching…..what a great way to end 2014! I love what I do!
Please do check out Rebecca’s site, she is so inspirational and you’ll be hearing lots more about her! http://www.rebperkins.com
