Men are not complicated creatures. Far from it (sorry guys!)
From working with hundreds of smart, savvy and sophisticated women I can tell quite quickly why someone such a great catch is single. Sometimes it’s just a case of not yet crossing paths with ‘the one’. Other times, it’s because they don’t understand men and/or they spend too much time trying to analyse them.
Let me be very clear – it is not worth your time or energy trying to analyse them. All it does is become a hindrance in meeting someone special and I’m sure we can all agree, it’s hard enough meeting a man you really connect with without putting up more barriers to meet him! It’s time to stop analysing men.
My matchmaking clients are both men and women and without a shadow of a doubt the guys are always more straight forward to match. They make their judgement AFTER a date and not before, something many women are guilty of – hands up who is guilty?
Analysing men is pointless. For starters they are a different breed to us ladies, they really aren’t that complicated and often what you see is what you get. I want to share with you 5 true stories that will highlight whey you need to stop analysing men, chill out and focus your energy on the date.
5 Real Life Examples of Why You Need to Stop Analysing Men
1) “His first message to me was too formal”
Or too casual. Or too long. Or not long enough. I’ve had them all. First off – what are you expecting? If a guy is emailing or texting you to arrange a first date don’t expect beautiful prose – you may not have even met him yet! Cut the poor guy some slack already I once coached a woman who forwarded me a message similar to this:
“Hi it’s X here from eHarmony. Looking forward to meeting you, when would be good for you? There’s a new tapa bar opened in the City if you’re up for giving it a try?
Look forward to hearing from you”
He signed off with his work signature and she forwarded it straight to me asking what did I think. She felt it was too serious commenting that it was rather short like he hadn’t make much effort. I asked her what else she thought he should have said. Her response? “I don’t know really, just something else”! Most men are practical and to the point. So long as it’s polite and asks you out then who the heck cares about the rest?! Respond, set a date and don’t judge a man by his email!
2) “He has only asked to see me on a week night so i’m not a priority”
If you’re a fan of ‘The Rules’ you’ll be itching by date 3 for a weekend date and I agree, it’s important to see one another at a weekend as it adds a whole different dimension to the date. Oh and you get to see their sense of style when they’re not wearing a suit/work clothes! But…and this is a big but ladies…you probably aren’t a priority yet. Please don’t hate me for saying that. But if you’re going on a first date, or are a few dates in then it’s probable you’ll have a week day evening date and you know what? That’s fine. Weekend time is precious and if you’re anything like me, booked up a couple of weeks in advance. Or simply, he just hasn’t thought to suggest a weekend. Yes really! So, if you want to meet him at a weekend, forget analysing why he won’t and suggest a weekend date – done! If you’re not sure what to do for your date check out this post on great date ideas. Smart women are pro active women.
3) “I’m not sure on his 6th facebook profile picture”
Facebook – a curse and joy rolled into 1. In this day and age we’re used to knowing a lot about people, it’s become natural instinct to type their name into Google as soon as you know it. If you happen to be able to see his pictures you’ll be having a field day nosying and getting yourself in to a tizz about who the hot blonde is and panicking you’re not as good looking as her. As you guessed I’m speaking from experience
One ex client found everything she could online about the man I matched her with who, and I’m not being biased here, was awesome! The date was already set when she pulled the plug because, on a Facebook picture he was wearing a vest. I’m not talking a wife beater vest here (how very un-pc!). A printed vest that fills the high street at the first glimmer of sunshine. She was horrified. I pointed out he was on holiday in Thailand and the top was totally normal but to no avail. She couldn’t even meet someone who happened to wear a top she didn’t like. Are you surprised to hear she’s still single…..?
Take pictures found online with a pinch of salt, better still, don’t look at all and just meet him in the flesh!
Psstt! We all know dating photos are super important, here’s some tips on how to express your style through photos.
4) “He didn’t firm up the date to a few days before so I don’t think he’s interested”
Wouldn’t you rather a guy wait to confirm a date when he knows he can meet rather than cancel last minute? Men are straightforward – if he says he wants to see you, he wants to see you. So long as he makes the effort to set a date, confirm in good time e.g. not on the day (unless he told you that beforehand) then what’s the problem? This is 2014. People are busy, most have active life’s, family, demanding jobs and as so long as you have a date pencilled in the diary, the details can be firmed up nearer the time. Go with the flow, dating doesn’t have to be a military operation!
5) “He says he likes tennis in his profile but I don’t so he’s not a good match for me”
My other half loves going to the gym and playing racquet sports. I can’t think of anything worse. Does that mean we are a bad match? No. You don’t need to have everything in common. In fact, I cherish my quiet Saturday mornings pottering around the house whilst he goes to the gym. Too many of us analyse men’s dating profiles to death. For starters he may actually only play tennis once in a blue moon, he wouldn’t be the first to exaggerate on a dating profile! Secondly you might quite like it if he taught you to play and thirdly you don’t have to like it. In the same way he probably isn’t jumping for joy when he reads you ‘love to have afternoon tea with the girls’. Of course, interests do play a part in a happy relationship and there needs to be some common ground but if you’re analysing his compatibility based on a game of tennis, rugby, city breaks, whatever it is – you are crazy. Totally nuts. Off your rocker. Bonkers. Crackers. You get the picture
Stop analysing and start living and experiencing. One man told me about how a woman analysed him on the actual date – what a turn off! Treat your date how you would like to be treated yourself. Don’t judge and make your mind up on him before you’ve even sat down together. If you do, you may be missing out on the kind of love you dream of.
Go get em!